


asking for help (doesn't mean you're helpless)

by soyybeanboy



Series: the essek saga [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emetophobia, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sick Character, do not apply logic to my fanfic tropes, shadowgast if you squint real hard, they didnt use magic to heal him because i wanted a sick fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27372763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soyybeanboy/pseuds/soyybeanboy
Summary: Essek blinked open his eyes, his vision blurry with sleep as he gazed out into his pitch-dark bedroom. The first thing he felt was confusion - it wasn’t morning yet, surely, he felt as though he’d only been asleep for an hour or two at most.The second thing he felt was an uncomfortable gurgling in his stomach.“Oh, no…” he mumbled as the feeling intensified. He felt hot, stinging bile rise in his throat and barely managed to lean over the side of the bed before his dinner made a reappearance.Where he’d caught a stomach bug, he had no idea, but he hated nothing more than being sick.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre & Essek Thelyss, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Series: the essek saga [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1999450
Comments: 10
Kudos: 91





	asking for help (doesn't mean you're helpless)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! This is my first Critical Role fic, so please be nice! That being said, feel free to correct any spelling or grammar mistakes, I edited this myself so I doubt it's perfect!
> 
> To address a couple things - I forgot that elves tranced instead of sleeping while writing this. It doesn't make much of a difference, really, but I just thought I'd acknowledge that mistake! Secondly, I know that most of the Nein have abilities that can heal disease, but I really just wanted an Essek-centered sick fic where the Nein cares for him. So, no magic healing! Just softness. Third, I sort of plan on turning this into a small series. Some connected, some one-shots, but all in this same timeline, eventually ending up with Essek adventuring with the Nein! So, stick around if you'd like to see that!
> 
> One last thing - if people throwing up makes you squeamish, I wouldn't recommend reading this!
> 
> Alright, that's all I had to say. Enjoy! <3

Essek blinked open his eyes, his vision blurry with sleep as he gazed out into his pitch-dark bedroom. The first thing he felt was confusion - it wasn’t morning yet, surely, he felt as though he’d only been asleep for an hour or two at most.

The second thing he felt was an uncomfortable gurgling in his stomach.

“Oh, no…” he mumbled as the feeling intensified. He felt hot, stinging bile rise in his throat and barely managed to lean over the side of the bed before his dinner made a reappearance.

He spat out what remained in his mouth, collapsing back onto the bed with a low groan. Where he’d caught a stomach bug, he had no idea, but he hated nothing more than being sick. His mind began racing - he wouldn’t be able to go about his duties for the day, not when he was barely able to move without being overtaken by nausea. Shadowhands didn’t take sick days, it was unheard of. 

His hands shook as he cast prestidigitation, the effort of cleaning the floor leaving him utterly exhausted. If a simple cantrip took so much out of him, he knew he was in no state to do anything else. So much for muddling through.

He felt his eyelids growing heavy and the beginnings of a headache begin to throb in his temples. This might be the worst he’d felt since he was a child, at least physically. At least he had a few more hours until he had to be awake.

A chill began to overtake him and he buried himself under his blankets, praying for somewhat of a restful sleep.

No more than three hours later, he woke up just in time to puke all over his bed.

He stared in disgust at the mess, eyes drifting to the large round clock on the wall. Morning was imminent, and he’d be expected to be awake and working far too soon for his liking. He wasn’t even sure he had the energy to magically clean his sheets. With a halfhearted whine he pushed the soiled sheets away, cold and miserable without their cover. He was thirsty, but didn’t feel strong enough to make it to the kitchen. He was cold and had no blankets. He was busy and had no energy.

Could this day get any worse? 

Three knocks on his door answered that question.

He hoped that whoever it was would give up when they received no reply, and curled up as tightly as he could on his bed. Apparently, luck was not on his side, as three more knocks came a moment later. Then three more, a moment after that.

“Essek, it’s the Mighty Nein. We were hoping to speak with you, if you’re not busy. You can reply to this message.”

Essek relaxed slightly as the message reached him. At least it wasn’t any of his colleagues. Trying his best to disguise how scratchy and tired his voice was, he replied, “I’m afraid that I’m not…in a state to talk, at the moment. Perhaps tomorrow.”

He should have known that wouldn’t be enough to dissuade them. “With all due respect, you sound terrible. Is something wrong? You can reply to this message.” Caleb’s voice said in reply.

Essek sighed heavily. “I’m just a little under the weather. Everything is fine.”

“Do you need any assistance? We do owe you a good few favors. You can reply to this message.”

That was something to consider. He did need help, and he knew it. He was in no state to do almost anything himself, and if someone could be so kind as to bring him some water and a spare blanket…

But by the light of the Luxon, that idea was beyond humiliating. ‘Yes, friends I’ve known barely two months, please change my sheets and bring me water while I lay incapacitated on my bed, hardly able to move without vomiting everywhere.’

The Mighty Nein were understanding, though. He knew they wouldn’t see it like he did. It was just his pride talking.

“Um…I could use some assistance, actually. If it’s not too much of a bother.” He eventually mumbled in reply. “The door is open.”

He heard his heavy front door creak open a moment later, and seven sets of footsteps clamber up the stairs. One by one, the Mighty Nein stepped into the room, faces plastered with concern. 

“Wow, you look like shit.” Beau said. “And it stinks in here.”

“I know,” Essek sighed, coughing weakly into his elbow. “I haven’t been this ill in a long time.”

“Yeah, we can tell.” Jester said, taking a step forward and pressing a hand to his forehead. “You definitely have a fever. Are you thirsty?”

Essek nodded. “Quite.”

“Alright!” Jester smiled reassuringly. “Beau, can you change the sheets? They’re stinky.” She said, wrinkling her nose. Essek almost chuckled. Beau would be the only one with a strong enough stomach. 

She acknowledged Jester with a curt “Yeah,” and gathered the pile of sheets in her arms, shooting a teasing place at Essek as she said, “Geez, what did you eat last night?” and left the room.

He hadn’t even noticed that Veth had disappeared until she came back in with a large glass of water, which she set on the small table beside his bed.

Essek watched them in silence, exhaustion starting to tug him under again. Caduceus stepped forward as he began to drift off. “Go ahead and rest, we’ve got you for now.” He said. With a slight nod, Essek let himself slip into unconsciousness again. He trusted these people to care for him, more than anyone else he’d ever met.

A short while later, he woke again. He was covered with a clean, thick quilt, and a wooden pail rested beside his head. A few members of the Nein were scattered across the room. Caleb was curled up on the couch under the window, thumbing through a book. Veth leaned on his shoulder, quietly sipping her flask and playing with Frumpkin. Beau sat at the edge of his bed, gazing out the window. He wasn’t sure where the others were.

He felt a sharp twinge in his stomach and started to gag, movements sluggish as he tried to reach for the bucket. Beau’s head perked up in his direction and she was at his side in an instant, pulling his hair back and helping him lean over the pail.

When he was finished, he let out a shaky groan and leaned back on his pillows as Beau shot him a sympathetic smile and went to empty to bucket.

Caleb and Veth took her place on the bed, cozying up to his sides and offering him the glass of water, which he accepted gratefully.

“I feel terrible,” Essek said, taking a moment to make sure the water would stay down. “I despise being sick.”

“Don’t we all?” Caleb replied. “It is quite an inconvenience, especially to us magic users.”

“You _will_ rest until you’re better, though,” Veth interjected, sounding more threatening than she'd probably intended. “I’ve got a son, you know, so I know my way around a stomach flu!”

“You’re saying that you plan to treat me like your toddler?” 

“Yeah!” Veth said resolutely. “I mean, everyone pukes sometimes.”

She had a point.

“Uh…” Caleb began to speak again, brushing a strand of coarse ginger hair out of his face. “Caduceus is making some soup for you. If anyone knows home remedies, it’s him.”

Essek wasn’t sure he’d be able to take any food, but the gesture was deeply appreciated nonetheless. He smiled gratefully, allowing himself to lean a bit more on Caleb. The wizard tensed briefly, but didn’t seem to mind too much. A shiver ran up his spine and Caleb slowly eased him back down onto the mattress, keeping a gentle hand on his back. 

“You should keep warm. My mother always used to say that heat breaks a fever.”

Essek wasn’t sure if that was true, but he was cold, and wouldn’t refuse a warm blanket. He let Caleb drape the quilt over him, push the hair off of his forehead, and felt the pillows shift slightly as Beau came back with the emptied pail.

“I’m not sure I can sleep,” Essek murmured, dabbing at the cold sweat on his face. He must have looked a mess. His headache was intensifying, throbbing through his skull and pressing painfully at the back of his eyes.

Caleb sat beside him, a small smile gracing his weathered face. “That’s alright. Would you like to talk? I finished the book you lent to me last week, and it was extremely interesting.”

A chat about books sounded like a worthy distraction and Essek rolled over, painstakingly propping himself up against the headboard and clutching the pail to his chest…just in case.

“You did? Tell me, what did you learn from it?” Essek asked. Caleb chuckled quietly, pulling the book from one of the holsters at his sides.

“Well, first and foremost, I realized that I need to learn Undercommon. It took quite a lot of effort to continuously cast Comprehend Languages while reading.”

“Ah…” Essek returned the small laugh, pressing his lips together as his gut rumbled dangerously in protest. “I could always teach you some. It isn’t too complex of a language. Ironically, it revolves around context and emotion rather than…specific vocabulary.”

Caleb’s eyebrows furrowed at that, and he regarded Essek with a curious look. “Really? That does surprise me. Is it difficult to express yourself in Common, then?”

“Oh, quite.” Relaxing slightly, Essek continued, “Growing up speaking Undercommon, it’s easier to decipher other’s emotions. The language communicates it inherently, and sentence structure shifts with the tone and intention. Common is so…” He stopped to cough, swallowing hard to avoid making another mess. “Excuse me…as I was saying, Common is rather impersonal. No one says what they mean. It is far easier to craft lies, however, when speaking in Common. Less consideration is required for what the words themselves imply. You can simply state false facts.”

It was then that Essek realized that he’d been rambling, and not even about the book. He chuckled awkwardly, averting his gaze. “Ah…I apologize. I didn’t mean to dominate the conversation.”

“No!” Caleb said enthusiastically, catching Essek by surprise. “It’s fascinating. Celestial is similar, actually. Would you mind teaching me a phrase or two? If you feel up to it, of course?”

Well, the conversation _had_ been a pleasant distraction from his symptoms so far. “I…of course. Um…what would you like to know?”

After a moment of consideration, Caleb decided upon general pleasantries. “Hello, goodbye, excuse me,” things like that. A sly smile crawling across his face, Essek asked, “And what tone? Polite? Passive-aggressive? Condescending? There’s a multitude ways to say the same thing.”

“I’ll stick with polite, I think.” Caleb said, and Essek shook his head. 

“Why not make it interesting? I’ll teach you the polite phrasing, and the passive-aggressive phrasing. It comes in handy when speaking to stuffy government officials.”

A small nod from Caleb, and Essek’s smile grew wider, more lighthearted. “Wonderful. Politely, you might say _Vendui_ to greet someone, and _Vedaust_ to say goodbye. If you want to irk someone just a little bit, you might say _gu'e_ and _gajak_ instead.”

“Fascinating,” Caleb mumbled, nodding along. “Would one receive punishment for something like that?”

Essek found himself taken off guard by how amused he was at Caleb’s lack of knowledge on Kryn culture, and how endearing his interest was. “No, no. If you were to say _alu tarthe_ as a farewell, then perhaps. That is _quite_ rude. Language that children use when they’re cross with one another, really. It’s considered an invitation to conflict when used between adults, especially those of high standing.” 

“Good to know.” Essek could see that Caleb had begun scribbling furiously on a sheet of paper, enthralled by Essek’s impromptu lesson.  
As a moment of silence passed between them, Essek could feel the bile climbing up his throat again. He should have known the moment of respite wouldn’t last.

“Caleb, I’m going to-” he croaked, leaning over the pail before he could finish his sentence. With no food in his system, it was a terrible mix of bile and dry heaving. What was this, the fourth go-around? No pun intended, he was rather sick of this.

He felt Caleb’s hand on his back, rubbing comforting, gentle circles. As the others had done, Caleb kindly pushed Essek’s hair back so that he wouldn’t dirty it and waited for him to be done.

“My mouth tastes like rotten eggs.” Essek grumbled, breathing heavily. Caleb chuckled sympathetically at that, calling for Beauregard and offering Essek another sip of water as he continued, “I hope this will clear up soon.”

“I’ve had my fair share of stomach bugs on the road. They rarely last more than a day or two,” Caleb shrugged. “It should be over quickly. Unless it’s food poisoning, then you’ll be out for much longer, at least in my experience.”

“Food poisoning? I’ve never had that before.” The thought of a prolonged period of this nonsense sent a shiver up Essek’s spine. “I trust those who cook for me. I hope that isn’t the case.”

The conversation devolved from there into pleasant, mindless chatter. All of the Nein filtered in and out as the day progressed, but Caleb and Beau were always there to keep him company. He drifted in and out of sleep, even managing to keep a few bites of Caduceus’s delicious stew down. 

“You should be getting home,” Essek said eventually, glancing up at the clock. It was heading into the evening, and the Nein always had something important to do. He wouldn’t want to keep them here all night, holding his hair back as he kneeled over a bucket. He’d asked too much of them already.

They all shared a glance. 

“I'm staying!” Jester said, and the others muttered their agreement.

“Yeah, we probably wouldn’t want to leave you all alone here all night,” said Beau.

“That…” Goodness, their kindness was overwhelming sometimes. “I wouldn’t want to impose. Please, don’t feel an obligation. I’ll be fine.”

“It’s no trouble,” Caleb stepped up beside Jester, his voice low and reassuring. “Leaving you alone seems unwise, in such a state.”

Essek winced. He knew that Caleb hadn’t meant it that way, but it was quite a blow to his pride. “I’m not helpless,” he protested, carefully pushing off the blankets and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. In unison, all of Nein tensed, ready to catch him if he stumbled. 

Standing on shaky legs, Essek realized how heavy he felt, like gravity had suddenly doubled its pressure on him. He took a few steps forward, slowly and painstakingly, before he felt a hand on his arm. Looking up, he saw it to be Yasha’s.

“Sit down. We know you’re not helpless.”

Wow, she was tall.

Essek sighed, pulling his arm away and sitting back down on the bed.

“Yeah! Needing help doesn’t mean helpless,” Jester insisted. “Sometimes Caleb needs help with stuff, but he can also kill like, five people with giant fire blasts, you know? And Beau can smash people’s faces in with her magic fists,” she pumped her fists in the air for emphasis, “But she needs help sometimes too!”

Beau grumbled, crossing her arms. “I don’t need help that often.”

Fjord elbowed her in the side. “She’s trying to make a point, Beau.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Well...Essek supposed had no real choice but to accept now. Saying yes felt rude, but saying no felt _mean_. 

“Fine, I suppose…I wouldn’t mind a little bit of company.” He sighed, easing himself back down into the folds of his blankets. “But I implore you, don’t mention this to anyone.”

A giggle rippled throughout the room and Essek flushed dark purple, hiding his face in the blankets. Goodness, he sounded pathetic.

But the night passed smoothly. The stew stayed down, and Essek found his trance refreshing, if a bit restless. When he woke up the next morning, he felt better. His stomach had calmed somewhat, and his headache had eased up. No one was in the room with him, and when he pushed himself off of the bed to get dressed, he was pleased to find that his legs could support his weight.

He opted for comfortable clothes, more casual than his usual fare. A plain purple tunic with straight-legged black pants, and a simple jacket for warmth as he walked barefoot down the stairs. He didn’t feel nearly as cold as he had the night before, and hoped that was a sign that his fever had broken.

The ground level of his home smelled absolutely delightful, and he could hear movement in the kitchen. The image of Caduceus politely kicking out his cook to take over breakfast preparations made him chuckle, and as the crossed the threshold into the dining room, he found seven familiar faces staring back at him.

“Essek!” Jester cried, leaping up out of her chair. “You look better! How do you feel?”

“A bit under the weather still, but much better than yesterday,” He answered honestly, sliding into the chair that was offered to him. Caduceus slid a plate over to him, much plainer than what the others were eating. Easier to keep down, most likely . “Thank you for your assistance, truly. I apologize for any inconvenience I’ve caused you, and I do intend to repay the favor.”

Across the table, Beau choked on her drink, and it took Essek a moment to register that she was laughing.

“Geez, you’re so formal. This is what friends do, alright? Don’t bother thanking us, we’d do it anyway.”

“Friends? More like family!” Jester squealed, gathering Essek in her arms and squeezing him tightly.

“Uh…” Essek tensed awkwardly, “I appreciate the gesture, Jester, but I really don’t want to throw up on your dress.”

She withdrew immediately, keeping a careful distance as Essek took a deep breath. The word Jester had used hit him suddenly, sending his head spinning.

“Family?” He said, mostly to himself. A few heads perked up around the table, donning soft, amused smiles. Again, louder, he asked, “Family?”

“Well, sure,” Fjord piped up. “You’ve saved our lives a couple times, we’ve saved yours, you brought us wine, we brought you tea. That’s what families do, right?”

A quiet laugh escaped Essek, and he stared down at his hands. Family. He liked that. The Mighty Nein were certainly more of a family than his own had been to him over the years. They were kind, they were understanding, they accepted his flaws as a part of who he was and not as a failure of character. They let him be awkward, they laughed at his stupid jokes. They liked _him_ , _Essek_ , not “Shadowhand Thelyss, the dunamantic prodigy.”

With them, he felt as though he belonged. The absurdity of it all crashed down on him all at once, and he felt a bright smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“I am honored that you consider me family,” He said finally. “I rather like that.”

Jester grinned excitedly at that, hands shaking happily at her sides. Veth shot him a kind smile, matronly and protective in the way he’d only ever seen directed at her friends. Fjord and Caduceus exchanged a glance, communicating something through a brief exchange of smiles. Beau grunted, but even she couldn’t hide the beginnings of a smile in her eyes. Even Yasha, quiet and stoic as she was, seemed content.

Caleb met Essek’s eyes, the sharp, intelligent gaze freezing Essek in place. At first he feared that Caleb didn’t feel the same as the others, but…there was a softness in his expression. A…nervousness, almost. Essek came back to his senses after a moment, head tilting forward in an acknowledging nod. The movement was so slight that he doubted the others would have noticed. At that, Caleb finally cracked a smile.

“Welcome to the Mighty Nein, Essek!” Jester cheered, and the rest joined her, their enthusiasm varying wildly. He laughed, accepting the pats on the back and awkward side-hugs until he felt a familiar pull in his stomach.

“You are all wonderful,” he began, pushing himself out of his chair. “But I’m afraid this lovely breakfast is about to make a reappearance.”

In an instant, Beau was standing before him with a pail, Caleb was at his side, and a hand smoothed his hair back. Hunched over a bucket, miserable and heaving, surrounded by his friends…no, _family_ …Essek allowed himself a small, genuine smile. 

There was truly no place he’d rather be.


End file.
